Confessions from carer| You Care Too Much| I've heard "You care too much" more times than I'd like to admit. I always thought what's wrong with caring, but I'm quickly learning sometimes over caring can be harmful to the caring carer. Here's what I plan to do to fix that.
Awareness, Lifestyle

You Care Too Much

You Care Too Much.

Raise your coffee, tea, or (hey, I don’t judge) vodka if you’ve heard that a time or two before. I’ve heard that phrase more times than I can remember, and I’m realizing maybe some of these people are right! I may care TOO much. I think when it comes to certain things/people you can never care too much, well, that is as long as it doesn’t become too smothering. 🙂 I’ve learned that I care deeply for so many people, things, and hopes that at times it is overwhelming. I care about my looks, my blog, if I offend someone, and if the house is clean. I have become SO PC that at times I annoy myself. But I only do it because I care about others’ feelings.

Truth?!

Truth bomb! You care too much.

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My kids are not allowed to have peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in their school lunches. That’s not a school policy that’s my policy, because I read a blog post that a Dad Blogger wrote about kids with peanut allergies. In his post he asked parents to reconsider sending their children to school with peanut-anything, because his child’s life depending on it. That very day, I stopped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and any snacks with peanuts. I told the kids they would thank me later, but really I think they’re still a little upset they cannot have a good ol’ juicy PB&J at lunch like their friends. When we’re rushing in the morning and I have to whip something together quick, I miss a good ol’ PB&J, but I care, so I resist.

I care so much for people that I know and that I don’t know, that I cry. I have literally cried in a store for another person. I have held back the overwhelming urge to hug a stranger who I felt sincerely needed a hug. I have hugged a woman I had only met once before because I knew she needed a hug. I let her vent to me for 40 minutes outside in the Pacific Northwest cold, because I cared. I know us moms have to get things off our chests, so I listened and then I hugged. I listen, because I care. I care so much! <- That wasn’t sarcasm, which I’m also really good at. 🙂 I genuinely care.

You care too much| Some people care too much, I think that's called love.

It’s obvious I care about my kids, my husband, my family, and friends. That’s a no brainer, right? We all do. But sometimes, that caring for everyone gets heavy. Caring for others becomes a heavy load that you stack on top of all your other cares; some cares are heavier than others. As a parent I care about T O N S: am I doing right by my kids, am I doing good enough, did I show them the right way, did this move here screw them up, would it be better to move closer to family, if we move closer to family can we afford it, but what if they don’t like where we move next. Did I send them with enough food to school, did I read the freakin’ label for traces of peanuts, will someone say anything about my son taking a pink water bottle to school, will he react… I care.

 

Soooooo…I was told I got my “Washington card” punched ? #wheninrome

A photo posted by Mrs.AOK (@mrs_aok) on

Monday, I learned I care too much. I was in a fender bender, I was hit while taking a turn at a stop sign. The lady behind me was checking for traffic to her left and ended up hitting me from behind. All of sudden the sound came back, it wasn’t as loud as last time, but I heard it and it triggered something in me. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw the lady’s teenaged daughter (or at least I think she was her daughter) staring back at me with a widemouthed expression. I pulled my car to the side of the road to evaluate the damage, when I got out and the first thing I did was held my chest, because I felt it, you know it. I looked over at the lady’s car checked to make sure her passenger, her daughter(?), was okay. She was, my car was scratched up, her car seemed fine, I think her license plate did all the damage to my car.

The lady: Oh, I’m sorry I scared you.

Me: Yeah, I just wasn’t ready for that. I’m just glad y’all are okay.

I’m glad y’all are okay. She hit me.

Her: I really didn’t feel anything.

Remember I said I saw her daughter’s widemouthed expression…. I gather they may have felt something.

Me: This is my new car.

She hands me her business card.

Her: I don’t think this is worth filing a claim.

When I got back into my car there were cars zooming past us. I was afraid to pull out into the street fearing someone would hit me again. I started to pull away thinking that lady seemed nice, she seemed around my age, with a daughter (I assumed) around my eldest daughter’s age. I wondered should I do anything with her information, should I spare her the expense, it isn’t too bad.  Then I thought, “DEAN this is your new car, you deserve something nice, it’s okay for people to right their wrongs and it’s okay for you to ask for them to do so.”  I began to let the emotions of it all hit me, I just got in another accident and it woke up something inside me, and I felt and heard all the noises of that night in Indiana and that time when a Home Depot delivery truck driver dropped a box and ran out in the middle of the highway and I swerved into the median to avoid him. Thankfully, this time wasn’t like those, it wasn’t as traumatic or big as those other times. I was thankful the kids weren’t there in the car with me, because I wouldn’t want those feelings to awake inside them, the ones they had too on that cold Indiana night (because I care). I’m sure things would have played out differently if they were in the car. #MamaBear

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When I truly processed it all afterwards, “You care too much,” hit me. Because, again, when I got home, I thought about leaving my car as is, and just living life and being thankful for that. I also thought, I don’t know this woman’s circumstance, perhaps this would be a hardship to help fix my car. I certainly do not have money to throw at fixing a bumper. This wouldn’t be the first time someone hit a vehicle of mine and I let it go. But I’m not letting it go this time. I have to keep caring, but I have to also care for ME.

Yes, I’m Dean, and I’m a carer, I’ll care until my last day, and then some. But, I’m going to start caring more about ME, because caring about everyone else and the world is only going to send me back into a tizzy. I’m pretty much done with tizzy-ing. You should be too! If you raised your coffee, tea, or vodka with me, let’s cheers to caring more for US. We can keep caring, but not let those cares take over OUR wants and needs. We’re already pretty darn awesome caring people, but let’s care more about what we want for ourselves for a change.

You care too much| Anxiety is when you care too much about everything.

If we’re constantly caring about everything and everyone we’re not caring enough about us or the moment in front of us. Also, caring too much about everything has another name… anxiety.

Here are five things we need to remember when we’re caring too much about everything else but ourselves….

  1. We cannot change everyone.
  2. The kids are alright, you’re doing your best.
  3. You cannot change the world, but you can be a ray of sunshine in this world.
  4. Who cares what they think about your fill in the blank, because honestly does it really matter? You love you and I do too!
  5. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Sometimes when you care and you think other people care too, you’re wrong. The truth is everyone else has their own cares, so they don’t have time to worry about you and your fill in the blank.

Twirl, girl, twirl! 🙂

Let’s aim to be more like Leo 🙂

Five things to remember when you start to care too much.

Confessions from carer| You Care Too Much| I've heard "You care too much" more times than I'd like to admit. I always thought what's wrong with caring, but I'm quickly learning sometimes over caring can be harmful to the caring carer. Here's what I plan to do to fix that.

You may also like this post, which I just reread and thought I’m doing better at saying YES to myself. 🙂

You Care Too Much| Saying Yes to yourself for a change.

 

© 2016, Dean @Mrs. AOK, A Work In Progress. All rights reserved.

30 thoughts on “You Care Too Much”

  1. Oh, no, not your new car! It’s good to care. It’s okay to expect people to fix things when they break them, especially when insurance exists for this very reason 🙂

    1. Yes, my new car… 🙁 I cannot lie I was a little sad when I saw my car, it’s not too bad, but I’d like to keep her pretty for awhile. Especially, ::chokes back tears:: because one day it’ll be my daughter’s. I cannot believe we’re so close to her driving. ::sobs::
      XOXO

  2. Ohhh.. yeah. I definitely care too much, and not enough about me. I feel ya, sister, but you knew that!
    I’m so sorry about your car. I’d probably file the claim.. although generally I am of the, “It’s just a piece of metal and I’m ok” mentality. Still. That’s why we have insurance!

    1. Yes, I totally knew that. Why haven’t we met or chatted yet? I swear we have too much in common to not…
      XOXO

  3. This was a great read. I do this same thing, heck I have even not turned someone in for hitting my car, though this person borrowed it and totaled it and I let it slide because they were a friend’s little brother and they were young and I didn’t want to ruin their life or their credit. IN retrospect I cared way too much about people I don’t even talk to anymore . It is so hard to put yourself first and not feel selfish, that’s what happens to me when I care about me or speak up on my own behalf I feel like I am being selfish!

    1. Oh… you’re a sweetheart. I think we’ve all had a point in our lives where our kindness or caring backfired on us or didn’t repay in full. We’re good people, we love hard, but we’re not the world’s super heroes, we have to be our own heroine sometimes. 🙂
      I totally get what you mean about feeling selfish, it’s a problem I think a lot of women/moms feel often, why? I’d like to know why we feel like we don’t deserve something too. Are we programed this way…. nature vs. nurture?
      XOXO

  4. Girlfriend you’re just like me. I was told that I care too much and sometimes it’s true. You care too much and you get taken advantaged of, but I won’t stop caring, I just need to be more careful that’s all.

    1. Yes, don’t we all! 🙂 There is nothing wrong with being a caring person, but sometimes we need to step back and care for ourselves first. I’m trying to do that more these days. 😉
      XOXO

  5. First, I’m glad you’re ok! That’s scary to be hit, no matter how minor it is.
    And I feel like this post could have been written about ME! (By the way, I never realized this was a Libra trait.) Sam tells me all the time I care too much about what other people think and put others’ needs before my own. I can’t help it, it’s in my nature. But there are definitely times I have learned to put my own needs first (like this Mother’s Day, when I told my family I needed some me time).

    1. Thank you, I’m glad it wasn’t as bad as last time. It just kind of brought it all back, which I didn’t like. So, yes, this Libra trait of ours ::: heavy eye roll ::: it’s annoying, right? Our husbands would get along just fine, because I hear it from my husband too.
      Kudos to you for getting some ME time for Mother’s Day!! I indulged in colorful sour candy and watched movies.:D
      XOXO

  6. Sorry about your fender bender…on a new car at that!! I’m glad you decided to hold the woman accountable for hitting you. It’s so important to make ourselves a priority. I always remind myself that I am no good to anyone if I’m not taking care of myself. Of course I still put other people’s needs before my own but at least now I’m learning to care for me too.

    1. You’re right, it’s absolutely imperative to ourselves to make ourselves a priority, and I’m learning more and more that it is really hard for us women. Why do we feel like we have to put others’ cares before our own? Sigh…
      I most certainly put certain people’s needs before my own, but I’m slowly learning to be more like Leo. 🙂
      XOXO

  7. Good, that lady shouldn’t decide for you whether or not it’s worth claiming! Cars will eventually get banged around, but you should be able to enjoy your new car for several months, even a couple of years! without someone dinging it. Good for you! Plus, caring comes in many forms. Holding her accountable is caring about her future.

    1. Thank you, Terri!! I think one day my daughter will thank my husband and I later, because this car will eventually be hers. ::Excuse me while I wipe away in total denial tears:::
      XOXO

  8. I love how you reference peanut butter and jam sandwiches, when I was a kid I had a warm milk, squished sandwich and a bruised apple ever single day for lunch. When my kids started school the oldest could take whatever she wanted but by the time the other three started they were banned in school. I have found that caring too much can bring more harm mentally to myself so I have had to step away and focus on my own. I used to be told that I “cared too much” but they don’t say that so much anymore!

    1. I’m trying to get where you’re at. Sometimes I feel like I have the world’s cares on my shoulder, but I’m growing, I know that I can’t control it all.
      Thanks for stopping by, Heather.
      XO

  9. I care too much, sometimes way too much and people get advantage of it. I’m sorry to hear about the accident. Glad that you’re okay. I love your writing, it’s beautiful how you deliver the message. It’s ok to care for other people, but the one that should not forgotten to be take care is ourselves.

    1. Thank you, Rose! 🙂 You made me smile.
      I agree, sadly, there will be people who take advantage of the caring people of the world, I hate that. We only want the best for everyone, but you’re right, we have to care for us and our feelings too.
      Thanks for stopping by!
      xo

    1. You’re a good person, you TRY to give people the benefit of the doubt, that’s not horrible. My hope is that you are nicer to yourself. 🙂
      Some people do not deserve all of our energy.
      XOXO

  10. This is so similar to my thoughts!! Sometimes I don’t want to bother someone else to the detriment of myself! I know it is wrong but I don’t want to make the other person feel bad. Ugh…I hope I continue to get stronger.

  11. This was the perfect read for me tonight! I care too much about too many things. Sometimes it is good and sometimes not so much.

  12. Glad you are okay! Yes, I worry about all sorts of things too much also and put everything ahead of myself. I am working on practicing better self care.

  13. You should definitely get your car fixed. I know it’s hard when you care so much about others. But sometimes you have to care about yourself too much 🙂 I know it’s easier said than done. I’m currently trying to do a better job of caring for myself and doing things that I enjoy more.

  14. I have a bit of anxiety about driving because of a serious accident I had in high school. Any type of small fender anything is a stressful situation! A couple years ago I realized that I was concentrating on how everyone else feels so much I was making myself sick, I am getting better at putting myself first once in a while now 🙂

  15. I think we need more people out there that care for others – not to the point of anxiety – but at least to the point of caring. As a society, we’ve gotten away from caring about others and I don’t think that’s a good thing. Hopefully we can find our way back to a happy medium.

  16. Ughhhhh my friend. I’m sorry that happened.

    My first instinct is to care too much…but I have learned to curb it. When I don’t, it feels like my heart sits out exposed. And that wears me out. I like to think of myself as Caring Light now.

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